


Insides Committing Suicide

by Ma_skee



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Kid Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Parent Pepper Potts, Parent Tony Stark, Pepper Potts Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Pepper Potts Needs a Hug, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark are Siblings, Peter Parker Lacks Self-Preservation Instincts, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Pepper Potts's Biological Child, Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Precious Peter Parker, Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Harm, Sick Character, Sick Peter, Sick Peter Parker, Sickfic, Stark Family Reunion(s) (ASoIaF), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21900334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ma_skee/pseuds/Ma_skee
Summary: "I've made you a doctor's appointment for later this afternoon." Pepper begins talking. Peter sets the glass in his lap. "Hopefully we will get some better answers this time, right?" Peter nods.Alrighty, so we have the Stark Fam of mom Pepper, dad Tony and Peter and Morgan as siblings.This is gonna be a story where Peter is a sick boi. Hes been sick for a long time and he's not getting any better - in fact, he's getting worse. A lot worse. It really stresses out Tony but Pepper keeps her cool. Morgan is worried for her older brother.This story is inspired by my own life so I hope you can read this and be informed about something new. Try to guess what's up with Peter!!
Comments: 38
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

Peter opened his eyes to the sound of a gentle knock on his door. Pepper walks in holding a tray filled with snacks. 

"Hey Peter." She whispers. "How are you doing?" 

"I'm okay." His voices catches in his throat and he starts coughing. Pepper sets down the tray on the nightstand and sits next to him on his bed, helping him sit up and rubbing his back. Peter's whole body shudders with the coughing. It worries Pepper. Her beautiful precious boy is far to small and thin for his age. At this rate, Morgan would be taller than him by the time she was ten. His face had no color in it. He was a ghost next to his sister.

Peter finally stops coughing and draws in a shuddering breath. He leans over and grabs his cup of water off the night stand, drinking up the last of it.

"I've made you a doctor's appointment for later this afternoon." Pepper begins talking. Peter sets the glass in his lap. "Hopefully we will get some better answers this time, right?" Peter nods. "Happy is going to pick Morgan up from school and then keep an eye on her while we go out."

"What about Dad?" Pepper sighs. Her husband has been having a hard time dealing with Peter being sick for so long. It had gotten to the point where he began staying away, going to meetings that he never would have in the first place and spending night out in the garage working on his projects. 

"Well, I've talked with him and we are going to be having a family dinner tonight. Once he gets home he and Morgan will make it and by the time we get back it should be done." 

Peter just nods. He honestly didn't care much if his father showed for dinner. He knew just the sight of him upset his dad and he hated that. Besides, Peter was so tired. He couldn't even walk up the stairs without needing to stop to catch his breath. He hadn't been out patrolling in almost a month now. It was too exhausting and he needed the bathroom far to often to go out swinging in a skin tight suit. Speaking of, his stomach had pressure building -quickly.

"I have to use the bathroom." Peter mutters to his mother as he kicks the heavy blankets off of him. He rushes to the bathroom, the pressure in his belly quickly and painfully growing. In one quick, practiced movement, Peter shuts and locks the door, turns on the light, tugs off his pants and drops on the toilet just in time. His stomach feels like it's being ripped in two. It hurts so bad that he almost feels like throwing up. Tears spill down his face and he grits his teeth together, wanting to scream. 

Pepper knocks on the door. "Peter?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Are you okay Baby?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Pepper knows he is lying. She can hear the strain and the hurt in his voice. She also knows that he is going to spend at least the next fifteen minutes in the bathroom as well. 

"Okay, well... I'm going to head back downstairs. I have some emails to respond to."

"Okay."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"Okay."

Pepper lingers a bit longer. She wishes she could do more to help her son but he was so shy and anxious and he didn't like to talk so she just bites her lip and slowly walks away.

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Sitting and waiting for the doctor is one of the worst things ever. The lights in the tiny room were to bright. The plastic seat was horribly uncomfortable. All Peter wanted to do was crawl back into bed in his dark bedroom and sleep. 

A light knock on the door startles Peter. In walks a far to cheery nurse holding a little caddy. 

"Hi there! My name is Nancy!" 

"Hi Nancy," Peter glances at his mother. No small talk. He just want to go home. 

Nancy lays a big sheet of paper on the counter and picks items from her caddy as she speaks. 

" So, today I've been sent here to draw some blood for some blood testing. Have you ever had blood tests before?"

It takes Peter a second to realize she was talking to him. 

"Um, yeah. Last time I was here." 

"Okay good, so you know what's happening."

Nancy talked Peter through every step of the process. She tied the tourniquet above his elbow and rubbed her fingers up and down his arm, searching for a vein. She cleaned his arm with an alcohol wipe and prepared the needle. 

"C-can you count down?" Peter asked quickly. He had to prepare himself for the awful sharp pinch.

"Of course I can Baby! Ready? One... two... Three!"

Peter's whole body trembles as Nancy pushes the needle in. He stares at the floor, unable to look. 

"Hey, Baby, I need you to breath for me." Nancy says. Peter hadn't even released he was holding his breath. He sucks in some air and feels a tear fall down his face. 

This sucked. He was sitting in a bright and cold doctor's office with a needle in his arm taking blood that he couldn't spare and now he is crying not only in front of his mother but a completely random lady. 

Pepper reaches out and takes his free hand in hers, using her thumbs to try and rub some heat into it. 

"It's okay sweetheart, it's almost done and then we get to go home and have dinner with Dad and Morgan, remember?"

Peter just stares at the floor. He desperately wants to wipe the itchy tears off his face. He wants to claw at his face, completely get rid of the feeling, but both his hands are now occupied. 

"I'm almost done." Nancy reminds him. "Keep breathing. I'm going to take the needle out now, okay?"

Peter takes a deep breath, anticipating more pain, but all he hears is a click and then a bandaid is pressed on his arm. He quickly pulls his sleeves down and uses them to wipe away the tears. 

Nancy places the blood vials on a tray. "Alrighty, you should have these results back by tomorrow evening. But for now, you guys are free to go." 

Fantastic. Peter just wants to leave. Pepper wants to ask a few more questions. There has to be more the doctors could do now, perhaps prescribe something to help him? But she shes how upset Peter is and a text from Tony lets her know that he and Morgan are ready with dinner. So she and Peter shuffle to the car and drive home with the radio spilling out whatever was the next big hit. They pull up in the driveway and Margan rushes outside to greet them. 

"Mommy, Mommy! I made dinner with Daddy! Peter! Peter, come have dinner!"

" I'm coming Morgan. Chill out." 

Morgan doesn't notice his curt tone, she grabs Peter's hand and pulls him into the kitchen. 

"Look Peter, I made nametags. Look at yours!" Morgan hold up a folded piece of paper with "Peter" written in scratchy crayon letters. She had decorated the background with red and blue, his spider colors. 

"Aw, thanks Morgan."

Morgan giggles and slides into her seat next to his. Thier parents come in bringing dishes from the kitchen. Food is piled on to plates. 

"So, Morgan," Tony says."You should tell Mommy the story that you told me earlier. The one about what you and Happy did?"

"Yes Yes yes!!" Morgan launches into a story that has something to do with whip cream and getting everywhere. Peter couldn't care less. He just stares at his plate, not touching it. His stomach is beginning to ache again. He quickly get up and rushes off the the bathroom. Morgan trails off her story and watches her brother run away. 

"What's wrong with Peter?" She asks her parents. Tony stays silent. 

"Peter's just not feeling very well sweetie."Pepper steps in. "But he will be better soon." 

Tony listens to the words meant to sooth his daughter, but they only make him upset. His boy has been sick for so long now. Hes been to the doctors many times and they just kept saying it was the flu. These weren't just any doctors either. These doctors were all part of SHIELD, ment to be able to help supers and enhanced people like Peter. But still, his boy was sick. He was getting worse and worse by the day. He was fatigued, could hardly walk, almost fainted down the stairs once, and now, now he had stopped eating. His plate hadn't been touched. 

Peter slowly come shuffling back from the bathroom. He plops into his chair and Mogan start to fill him in on parts of her story he missed, but Tony stops her. 

"Peter, you have to eat." 

Peter doesn't respond. He just looks at all the food piled on his plate. 

"Peter." 

Peter continues to stare at his plate. He focuses extra hard on how the light is bouncing off the individual piece of corn. 

"Peter, look at me." Tony's voice has an edge to it.

But Peter can't. They sight of his place face and dull eyes upset his father.

"I said, Look at me!" 

Peter flinches at the yell. Tears prick at his eyes. He can't let his dad see the tears. He can't. He can't. He can't. 

"Peter, if you don't eat, you know what happens? You will get even sicker and we will have to take you to the hospital and they will put a tube down your nose to feed you. You have to eat Peter!" 

The tears won't stop coming now. Peter feels so bad. His whole body is aching from using the bathroom and now he's made his father upset and everything is just overwhelming him. He's trying so hard not to cry but the tears won't stop and his breath is starting to hitch and make gross soggy crying sounds and he hates every second of it. 

"Peter, I'm going to let you off the hook this time. But if you get hungry later, this is what you get to eat." Tony picks up Peter's plate and stalks into the kitchen. As soon as he is gone, Peter goes to his room as fast as he can. Only then does he let himself cry. He didn't understand. Eating made it worse. But not eating made it worse. Peter wanted to cry and cry but exhaustion won him out and he passed out curled up on his bed. 

Downstairs, Tony was staring into the open fridge. Peper slowly walk in and sets down dishes from the table. She walks up behind Tony and wraps her arms around him.

"Tony..." Pepper breathes. "I know that seeing Peter like this is hard for you. It's hard for all of us. But yelling at him like that?"

"I know, I know. I over reacted." Tony places Peter's plate on top of the collection that was growing in the fridge. He turns to face his wife. 

"Pepper, I don't know what to do." Tears fill his eyes. 

Pepper reaches up and places her hands on his face. 

"Tony, you are not the person who fixes sick people. I know you like being the one to fix things, but this is out of your field." The tears spill down Tony's checks. Pepper wipes them away with her thumbs. "One thing you can do right now is fix what you did during dinner." 

Tony buries his head into Peppers shoulder. Oh God, did he really yell at Peter like that? He stars to cry for real. He holds Pepper close, grounding himself, as he trys to calm his own sobs. 

"Shh, shh, it's okay Tony." Pepper runs her hands up and down his back. "Tony, shh. You just have to apologize to him. Tell him your sorry, explain, tell him you love him."

"I know, I just can't believe I did that Pep. I cant believe I made him cry like that and I made him so upset and I also yelled in front of Morgan..."

"Tony, Tony, don't spiral. Take some deep breaths... there you go. Right now, focus on Peter. I'll go read a book with Morgan and then you can talk with her. This is fixable. And Tony?" She lifts his head by his chin. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I love you too. Now go wash your face and talk with Peter. Okay?" 

"Okay."

But Tony walks into his son's room and finds him sprawled on top of the bed with tear streaks staining his pale face, fast asleep. He sits on the edge of the bed, watching his chest rise and fall. After a while, he gets up and tucks him in. He pulls in the blankets around his shivering bady and sets a pillow underneath his head. Tony plants a kiss on his forehead before walking out to go find Morgan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yall, this is my first ever fanfic right here. I do plan on adding more to this story, alot more, because its lowkey based on my own life. Oof. But yeah, please tell me what you think or if you have ideas for more things or guesses for what's wrong with Peter, lemme know!! But major thx for reading!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is still very sick. He's still getting sicker by the day. To be truthful, he is slowly dying. Hopefully the doctors figure out what is wrong soon or the family may just be having to say some final good byes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've had this story idea for a while so I might spend these next few weeks consistantly posting and then who knows what. But this story is inspired by my own life so it should be fairly accurate but feel free to call me out lol. Anyway, I hope you guys like it and feel free to comment suggestions or what you think is up with Peter!!

Peter woke up to the all too familiar feeling of pressure building in his belly. He sat up and tried to kick off the blankets but they were wrapped around his feet. He kicked harder, trying to get these stupid blankets off. He had to go, now. Finally he detangled himself and all but falls out of bed and rushes down to the bathroom. He shuts the door and fumbles for the light. He couldn't find it though, his hand just randomly slapping the wall, wasting seconds he couldn't spare... but it was too late. His body let go and now Peter was standing in the dark with his own mess dripping down his legs. 

Peter puts him arm over his eyes and takes a deep, shuddering breath. He so desperately wants to cry but then FRIDAY might alert his parents and he cannot have them know about this. Absolutely not.

Slowly Peter takes off his pants, being careful to not let the mess get anywhere else. Luckily the bathroom had a laundry shute that was controlled by FRIDAY. She was used to washing things covered in blood from bad patrols. This was hardly different. 

Peter debated over taking a shower. The sound of water going through the pipes might wake his mom and his dad was probably still awake in the garage, tinkering away. But he felt so gross, and he was not going back to bed like this. Shower it was.

The warm water poured over Peter's back. He was too tired to stand so he was sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees. If felt safe to cry in the shower. His tears would be washed away. How had this happened? Peter had gone from an active, web slinging, ball of energy to a boy who couldn't control his body or stand long enough to have a shower. He knew he wasn't getting better, but it was also his fault. When Peter first started feeling off, he hid it from his parents. He thought it would pass. Even as things grew worse, he never said anything. But Peppers watchful eyes saw his energy draining, his face paling, and his weight dropping. 

Peter sighed. The steam from the hot water felt good in his lungs, but he was exhausted. He reached up to turn off the water and used the bar on the side to pull himself up. He waited for the dizzy spell to pass before grabbing a towel and carefully tiptoeing back to his room. He pulls on a fresh pair of underwear and sweatpants and then picks up his father's MIT hoodie off the floor. He crawled into bed, making sure the blankets were all straight and couldn't get wrapped around his feet again. 

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Tony had spent the night in the garage going over all the blueprints from Peter's suit. He had a notepad filled with different upgrades or minor fixes he could add. But messing with his suit would not make up for last night. At the crack of dawn, Tony walked out into the chilly air and down to the dock. He watched the sun rise over the water. Peter loved the sky.

Once when Peter was around Morgans age, Tony had found him lying with a blanket on the dock, staring straight up. 

"What are you doing out here, young man? It's bedtime and your mother will have my head if you're up past 8:30 again." 

"I'm watching the sky, Dad." Peter looked up at his father. 

"The sky, huh? What's in the sky?" Tony took a seat next to Peter. The cold wood of the dock seeped through his clothes.

"I just love how the sky looks. I think the sky is one thing that can forever and always look pretty. No matter the weather or time of day, you could always look up and think, wow, that is really pretty." 

"Really" Tony says, his voice full of a gentle wonder and love for his son. He slowly lays onto his back and looks up with Peter. "You might be right, Pete. This is quite the sight."

The sky was filled with stars. A few wispy clouds hung around and the silhouettes of trees had been an image in Tony's head for years to come.

"But, what about stormy days?" 

"I love storms. The more thunder and lightning, the better. Lighting looks so cool. I wanna meet Thor one day and I wanna ask him to make a lighting storm. Doesn't that sound so cool? Do you think Thor would do that, Dad?"

"I think he just might Pete. I also think we should head inside for bed. You're Mother will be home soon and if she catches us out here - "

"She will push us into the lake."

"Yes Pete, she will push us into the lake. Come on, let's head inside." Tony stands and pulls Peter up with him. Later that year, for Peter's birthday, Tony had skylights installed in his room so he could watch the sky.

By now the sun has risen enough to create a blinding glare on the water. Clouds are hanging in the distance, bringing rain. Tony ran a hand through his hair. Time to fix things. 

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Peter woke up to find his dad sitting in bed next to him, reading a book. Over on his desk was a tray with dishes of food on it. 

"Hey Pete, how are you?" Tony sets the book on the nightstand. Peter just looks at him. He has no idea what to say.

"Okay, that's fair." Tony gets up and brings over the tray from the desk. It has a wide variety of food on it. Peter stares at it. This was terrible. He made his dad so upset last night that now he was going to force him to eat. He didn't mean to make him upset, he just didnt want to eat he just wanted to, to just... just...

"Peter, please look at me." Tony's tone is gentle and slowly Peter lifts his head.

"About last night. I know that you felt like it was your fault. Am I right?" Peter wants to shake his head so that Tony doesn't think that but if he does that then someone else would have to take the blame and Peter had made enough people upset or worried lately but if he nods then he will get the talk of not everything is his fault even though it probably is and how could it not be his fault? He was the one who didnt eat, why his dad started yelling, why - 

" Peter." Peter looks back to his father. " I did not yell at you because I was mad at your for not eating. The reason I acted like that is because I am worried for you. I am upset because we don't know what is wrong and we don't know how to fix it. I just want you to be healthy and happy. And food is very important to living a healthy life, so seeing you just sitting and staring at your food, I - I just got upset. And I took that out on you and I definitely should not have done that. Peter, please look at me. I need you to hear this next part."

Peter had been staring very intensely at the folds in the blankets, picking at little strings that were pulling up. His dad was upset because of him. It was his fault. 

"Peter, I am very, very sorry. I did not mean to yell at you and it is not your fault. I still love you so much, and so does Mom and especially Morgan." Tony waits for Peter to respond. 

"I know. It's okay, Dad."

Tony was hoping for more of a response, but that would have to do. Trying to pry to get Peter to talk never ended very well. 

"Now, the thing is, I have to ask you to eat. From what I know, you haven't had dinner all week. Mom has been bringing you snacks and you never touch them. So, this morning I have made a breakfast extravaganza for us." Tony waves his arm over the tray. Its filled with a wide variety of food. Eggs, sausage, toast, fruits, juice cartons, waffles and pancakes on the same plate, oatmeal with almonds and cranberries, bagels and cream cheeses, and even some warm muffins. "I'm not saying you have to eat everything, because not even I could do that. I just want you to eat something, okay?"

Peter looks at all the food. Tony was right. He hadn't eaten for a long time and was actually feeling a little hungry. 

"Can I have some eggs and fruit?"

"Eggs and fruit. Eggs and fruit, coming right up." Tony dishes out two plates and hands one to Peter. Slowly, Peter makes his way through the dish. He actually finished the plate and was considering seconds when the door burst open and Morgan jumped on to Peter's bed. 

" I saw a bowl with pancake mix in it in the sink! I want some pancakes!"

"Here, you can use my plate." Peter hands the dish to Morgan and Tony fills it. Pepper soon joins them as well and has some oatmeal. The family spends the rest of the morning lounging around Peter's bedroom. Morgan brings out some board games. Peter gets up to use the bathroom a few times and it exhausts him. Eventually his parents guide Morgan downstairs and Peter falls asleep looking through the skylight at the drizzling rain. 

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Morgan and Peter are snuggled up on the couch watching Brave. 

"Peter?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think Clint would teach me how to use a bow?"

"If you ask him nicely and don't let Dad know." 

"Don't let me know what?" Tony walks down the stairs buttoning up his dress shirt. He sits down next to Peter. 

"Nothing!" Morgan shrieks. Peter flinches. 

"Inside voice Morgan." Pepper reminds as she follows her husband down the stairs. She is fastening on a pair of earrings and wearing a lovely deep blue fitted dress. "Okay, Mommy and Daddy have to leave in about twenty minutes. I'm going to throw together a quick meal for you two and Happy has to help out so Rodney will be hanging out with you guys tonight."

"Rodney's coming? I thought Peter would babysit." Morgan crawls off the couch and follows Pepper into the kitchen. 

"I know, but Peter is sick Baby." Pepper rummages through the fridge and pulls out a few leftovers she can throw together. Morgan watches her, swinging her feet. 

"Mommy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"How come Peter isn't getting better? When you get sick, you get better after a week maybe. But Peter has been sick a long time."

"Well, Peter has more than just a cold or an upset tummy. We don't know what is wrong yet, so we don't how to help him."

Morgan sighs. She doesn't like Peter being sick. He can't play games outside or even inside games. He falls asleep during movies and is to tired to read books.

"I don't like Peter being sick."

"I don't either, Morgan."

Pepper sets a slab of frozen ground beef in a pan. She turns on the heat and hands a spatula to Morgan. Keeping her distracted would keep her from getting too worried. Pepper pulls out a cutting board and chops up veggies and Morgan works on pulling apart the meat. 

"Mommy, your phone is ringing!" Morgan points to Peppers phone with the spatula. 

"Thank you, baby." The number on the phone is from the doctors office. She grabs her phone and walks to the living room. 

"Tony, can you watch Morgan? The stove in on and I have to take this call."

Tony and Peter were still watching Brave. Peter had turned to lay his head on Tony's lap. 

"Yeah, I got it." Peter sits up so Tony can get up. Pepper heads upstairs. Peter sits alone on the couch and wraps his arms around his knees. Something is telling him that the phone call is not going to be good news. The movie is still playing but Peter just stares off into space. The smell of cooking meat is beginning to spread throughout the air and it makes Peter a little nauseous. In the kitchen, Morgan starts laughing and he can hear his dad talking in a funny voice. 

"Morgan, I have broccoli growing in my ears! Help me!"

Peter sighs. The old ear broccoli. It would never die. Foot steps catch his attention. Pepper is coming back downstairs. Her dress has been replaced with jeans and sweater. The earrings are gone. She sets the bag she was carrying at the bottom of the steps and walks to the kitchen. A moment later Morgan comes bouncing to the couch to watch the movie. Tony and Pepper both go upstairs. The sound of sizzing, cooking meat is gone. Soon, they both come back. Tony had dressed down to joggers and a jacket and had Peter's small duffel bag on his shoulder. 

"Peter, can you go put your shoes on?" Pepper calls as she walks to the kitchen. 

Peter was to tired to ask questions. He stands, waits for the lightheaded feeling to pass, and pulls on the blue converse he'd been wearing since 7th grade. It bugged Tony that he didn't get a new pair. Peter always said they worked fine, even though at this point the fabric was ripping and you could almost see his socks through them. 

Tony walks out to the car with the bags and stays outside to make a call. Peter sits in the front hall, wanting to know what was up but he was just. So. Tired. 

Pepper finds him sitting with his head leaning against the wall and his eyes closed. 

"Peter, baby, come on. We've got to go." She has a blanket draped over her arm. She helps Peter up and they walk outside. It's been a while since Peter's been outside. It feels good to fill his lungs with fresh air. He takes a deep breath, letting the chill reach the very bottom of his lungs. It wakes him up a bit. 

The moment felt strange. It felt like a last moment. Like Peter was taking his last breath. He wanted to hold his breath, keep the good fresh air inside. He felt so terrible and the air felt so good. He just wanted to stop here. This would be a good last moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you should comment what you think is up with Peter. I wanna see if anyone can get it right.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! Comment suggestions if you have them!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here you have it: Part Three!! It might be way easier to try and guess what's up now. As always I hope you enjoy and leave suggestions if you have any!!

Peter's head bounced against the window as Tony backed the car out of the driveway. He looked up at the porch, where Rodney was holding a crying Morgan. Tony had called Rodney to tell him to "get his ass here as fast as possible." 

Morgan had watched her parents throw bags in the car and help Peter walk. She watched as he stood on the porch, took a deep breath, and fell. Pepper was able to soften his fall but Morgans scream alerted Tony. He rushed over to his boy lying unconscious on the porch. 

"Peter? Peter, can you hear me?" 

"Peter!" 

"Peter, wake up!"

Morgan wailed. Her brother had just died. He was hurt. He was gone. He was dead. Pepper wrapped her arms around her. 

"Morgan. Morgan, breath. Listen to me, honey, stop crying. Please."

"Peter's dead! Mommy, help him! Help him, Mom!"

"Baby, no, no Peter's not dead, he just fainted! He's okay!" 

As if on cue, Peter's eyes fluttered open. What? When did this happen? He was just standing... what? He brought himself up to his elbows, his head whipping around, trying to gather his surroundings, his breath coming in fast gasps. 

Tony grabs Peter's hands and pulls him into a sitting position. 

"Peter, hey it's okay. You're okay Peter."

Peter stares at his fathers shirt, and finally catches a deep breath.

"There you go Peter, that's good." Tony glances at his wife. Fainting wasn't necessarily new, but he had never actually just... fallen. Thier boy had gotten worse still. They had to leave. 

Rodney's car pulls up in the driveway. He quickly climbs out, concerned at the sight of the family huddled around Peter who was sitting on the porch looking like a deer in headlights. 

"Tony, what's going on?" Rodney walked up the steps. 

"Oh, thank God, you're here." Tony bends down a lifts Peter into his arms. Pepper hands Morgan to Rodney and rushes ahead of Tony to open the car door. Tony gently sets Peter inside and Pepper wraps in in the blanket and climbs into the passenger seat. Tony turns back to Rodney.

"Hey, I'm sorry to leave like this but we have to get Peter to the doctors. Please, please just watch Morgan." Tony climbs into the driver's seat and starts the car. "I'll give you a call when we know something!" He calls through the open window before driving away. 

The trees went by too fast for Peter to focus on just one. Everything outside was fuzzy. He could hear Friday directing his father but he had no idea where they were going. Please don't be the doctors. He was so tired of the doctors. Peter layed his head back against the cool window and saw they had just drove by the turn they would have had to take to get to the doctors office. Fantastic. No doctors. 

Instead, they ended up at a bigger building about 15 minutes further away. Tony pulled up close to the entrance and Pepper came to help Peter walk inside. He sat in a plastic chair that weased out air as he lowered himself. His mother walked up to the front desk and began talking to the lady. 

Where had his dad gone? What was this place? Did the lights have to be so bright? Peter lifted his legs on the chair and dropped his head to his knees. 

"Peter, can I see your hand please?" Peter lifted his head to see his mother's kind face. He holds out his hand and she tapes a bracelet on his wrist. Peter pulls his arm close, trying to read the tiny letters, but he couldn't focus on them. He could just barely make out his name. Peter looked up again to the sound of moving doors and saw his father walking into the building. He looked around a bit before spotting his wife and taking a seat on the other side of Peter. Peter turned so he could lay his head on Tony's shoulder. 

Tony looked down at his son. Worry was twisting through his body, hurting his chest and Tony wished he could be in his garage, blasting AC/DC and hitting something with a hammer. But Peter's pale face, his limp curly hair and his freezing cold hands were more important. Tony had to be there for his son. 

"Stark Family?" A lady was standing in a hallway entrance, scanning the waiting room. Tony gently ran his hand through Peter's hair, receiving a small whimper in return. 

"C'mon, bud. We have to get up." Peter whimpered again but he opened his eyes and slowly sat up. He gathered the blanket in his arms and with Tony's help he began walking towards the waiting lady. This lady then lead them further down the hall and around a few corners before reaching another room. Peter took in the view. Counters. No windows. A bed. This was a doctors office. He couldn't believe it. More doctors? At this point, Peter didn't care for getting better. He just wanted things to stop. 

Pepper guided Peter to the bed. He sat on the edge, not wanting to lie back. That felt like... like he was admitting himself to something, but he couldn't place what. 

The lady who had led them here was now handing Peter some clothes. She pointed out the bathroom and asked him to change. In the restroom, Peter slowly peeled his warm clothes off his freezing body. The gown had little cartoon tigers printed all over it. Luckily the outfit also came with a pair of loose fitted pants. He shuffled back into the room feeling exposed. He had been wearing hoodies for so long that no one saw how thin his arms had become. Pepper took Peter's old clothes as he sat back on the bed. The lady came back - again - holding a caddy. She grabbed a tray and began placing different items on it. 

Tony saw Peter watching the nurse. It hit him that Peter probably had no idea what was about to happen. 

"Peter, do you know what an IV is?" Peter shook his head. "An IV is a needle that is put into your vein. But this one has to stay in your arm because the doctors can use it to put stuff in your body." Peter just stared. A needle was going to just... stay in his arm?? By this point the lady had found a spot to place the IV. Peter's breath picked up. Needles and pokes were not something that scared him but one just sitting in his arm was a different story. 

"I'm going to ask that you lie down for me, okay buddy?" Slowly Peter lay down onto his back. He felt like... a test subject gone wrong. "Okay, I'm going to poke you now okay? Little pinch in 3, 2, 1."

Peter bit down of his lip to keep any embarrassing sound from coming out of his mouth. Tears dropped down his face so he looked at the wall to keep others from seeing them. He hated this. He hated it so much. The lady kept moving the needle around and it was a disgusting feeling and he wanted to scream but screaming wouldn't fix anything. He just stared at the wall until the lady finally finished. The needle had been taped to his arm and there was a tube hanging out one end. It sucked.

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The rest of the night was not much better. It was filled with blood draws, embarrassing stool sample collections and a broken TV. Doctors and nurses came in and out, in and out. The lights were too bright and the blankets were scratchy and hardly helped keep Peter warm. They had been cooped up in this room for hours now. Tony was constantly making phone calls out to the hallway. Later, much later, a whole team of nurses and doctors squished into the tiny room. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Stark, we've received some test result back and we need to share them with you and get your opinions on our next steps." The doctor opened a folder filled with paper. He points to some numbers on the page. "This is the result from the hemoglobin level test. Hemoglobin is a red protein responsible for transporting oxygen in the blood and it can tell us how much blood is in Peter. Now, comfortable, normal levels should be around a 12, even a 13. But Peter's level is at a 5. Honestly, I'm surprised he can still stand."

"He fainted on the porch before coming here." Tony cuts in. "That's probably why."

"Yes, that and a few other things." The doctor launches into a whole spew of what normal levels were and what Peter's where and why that was bad and all this stuff that Peter didn't care about. He just wanted to sleep! Was that so bad?

"Now, we need to discuss our next steps. I spoke with some others, and we all think it would be best to transfer Peter to the main SHIELD base. There is far better equipment that could help find a diagnosis and Peter would be far more comfortable."

Pepper and Tony share a glance. Was the SHIELD hospital actually their best bet? Their boy was that sick? 

"Well," Pepper begins, "If you think that is the best choice and it can help Peter get better faster, then I think we should go. What do you think Tony?"

Tony was sitting back in his chair. His face was blank, a mask hiding the worry chipping at his heart. He looks over to Peter, who is staring at the broken TV like his favorite show was on. 

"Yeah, that... that sounds like a good idea to me."

"Okay, good." The doctor closes the folder. "I'll get in contact with SHIELD and have them send an ambulance to transfer him" He get up and leaves to room, his team filing out behind him. Tony drops his head to his hands. Pepper places a comforting hand on his back, but she was watching Peter. How had this happened to her boy? 

The ambulance arrived roughly a half hour later. The EMTs brought the stretcher to Peter and lowered it so he could climb on. Then they strapped him down. Peter hated this. The wrapped him tight with bands over his feet, legs, stomach, chest and shoulders. It really wasn't necessary. He wasn't going to run away. They pulled him out to the chilly air and up into the van. One them climbed to the front seat and Pepper climbed into the back with Peter. Tony was going to meet them there with the car. 

This ambulance was not meant to speed Peter to SHIELD. It was just supposed to be a way to keep an eye on him during the drive, so they stuck to the speed limit. Out of the back windows, Peter could see the sun set. It was hard to keep his head lifted to watch.

"Can I sit up?" Peter looked to the man sitting on his left. 

"Uh, yeah. Just one sec." The man took off the top two straps and then used levers on the side to sit the stretcher up like a chair. Peter now had a lovely view of the bright red and orange sun set. It filled the back windows, giving Peter some peace in the hectic.

By the time they reached SHIELD, they sun had long set. The EMT had to restart Peter down and the other came to help take him out of the vieical and roll him all over the building, up and down elevators filled with cinical looking workers that truly embarrassed Peter. Left and right and all arounf and until they reached to medical wing. A lady directed them to the room that had been set up for Peter. The stretcher was lowered again and Peter crawled into the bed. Finally, Peter was able to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One time, when I was sick like Peter is here, I was trying to convince my dad to let my stay home from school because I felt so bad. For some reason he thought I was faking it, even though I had been sick for weeks. Somehow all the standing and talking became to much and I fainted. I was only out for like, 2 seconds, but when I came to, I had no idea how I got from standing to the floor and I had to piece it together later. But, and this still upsets me to this day, was that all my father did was look at me, his SICK daughter who just FAINTED and said "you are trying way to hard to pull this off. People don't just fall over." And then he left me there. He just left me there. And the first thing I thought was "so then why are you not more worried?" But I got to stay home that day. And probably the rest of every day that week... oh well. Just a bit of insight to my story vs Peter's story. I hope you guys enjoy and make sure to leave suggestions if you have them. Much love!!!!


	4. Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really liking writing this for you guys. I'm also super open to suggestions so comment them if you have some.

Peter awoke the next morning because he was absolutely freezing. He slowly sat up in the stiff hospital bed and pulled the blankets tighter around his thin body. These hospital pajamas did nothing to keep out the heat. 

Pepper was sitting by the window. She had her laptop open and was working on responding to emails about different events she and Tony were being invited to. There were going to be in the hospital for a while. She glanced up when she heard Peter stirring. 

"Hey Peter, how are you?" 

"Fine." This kid. He could have every limb ripped from his body and he would still say he was fine. 

"How do you feel about breakfast?" Pepper holds out a menu. 

"Um, yeah. Sure." Peter takes it from her and flips through the pages. For some reason a stack of pancakes sounded really good right now. He hands the menu back to Pepper and tells her what he wants. Pepper also orders some extra things, just in case Peter changed his mind before the food came. Just as she was hanging up the room phone, a dear friend walked into the room.

"Bruce! It's good to see you!" Pepper gets up to give him a hug. 

"Hi Pepper. Tony called me, told me what's up." Peter just then realized his father was no where to be seen. "Of course the first thing I thought was, oh I can help, but... I'm still not that kind of doctor. So, instead I called up a friend who is that kind of doctor. This is Dr. Garcia." 

"Hi there." Pepper and Dr. Garcia shake hands. Dr. Garcia is a short man with dark curly hair. 

"So," starts Dr. Garcia, pulling up a chair. "I've read through your file a few times and I have a few plans of action to propose, but I would like it if you could name all his symptoms for me." Banner backs out of the room with an encouraging double thumbs up. Peter turns away from his mother and Dr. Garcia. Pepper could explain the symptoms. They were kind of embarrassing. 

"Well, he's very fatigued, he won't eat, he's super pale and always cold, and he has constant stomach pain and bloody diarrhea..." 

Peter shuts his eyes tigher. Why not just tell the man his whole life story? 

"Okay, thank you Pepper. Peter? Do you have any input?" Peter rolls over to face them. He just shakes his head. "Okay then. Let's talk an action plan, shall we? Right now, it's to soon for a diagnosis. We've already ruled out different things like giardia and such, so that's a good step. But to help us find a diagnosis, I think we need more than just blood tests. I think we would need to do both upper and lower endoscopys and an MRI. I've already scheduled the endoscopy to happen in two days, to give you prep time. I might be able to pull a diagnosis just from that but I think the MRI should happen in case I miss something. Any thoughs?" 

Peter lets his mother do the talking. Honestly, he had no idea what the doctor was talking about and he truly did not care. He just wanted to eat those pancakes. 

"Okay so, for the endoscopy, we'd have to start the prep right now. That means, Peter, that you'd be 'nothing by mouth.' That just means you can't eat or drink anything other than water."

So no pancakes. 

Damnit. 

"There is also a medication you would have to take that will help clean out your system. It's going to make sure there is nothing in your digestive system that could block the camera."

Camera? What?

"The medicine is going to make you use the bathroom a lot."

Like he already wasn't. 

"And there is a lot of it that you would have to take. It's a drink and I'm not going to lie, it doesn't taste very good. We could add packets of flavor or add Gatorade, but that would increase the volume. I think we should start off by seeing how much you can drink in a half hour. I can get you a water bottle and we use that to measure how much you drink. If you can't finish at least one bottle in that time, we would have to put a tube down your nose, down your throat, and into your stomach to get the medicine inside you."

But all this ment was no pancakes.

"Okay, I'll have a nurse come with all the supplies you will need. Any more questions?" Peter just stared at the floor. "Okay, then. I'll go get the nurse." Dr. Garcia left the room. Just as the door shut, there was a knock and of course, of course of course of course, a lady walked in with Peter's pancakes. Why. Just why. She set the tray down and quickly left. 

"Well, that a bit unfortunate." Says Pepper, opening the lid. 

Really? It was? Hm, he had no idea why. Did she really have to open the lids? 

"Yeah, it is."

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A nurse had brought all the prep stuff. She had mixed it and brought flavor packets and poured some into the water bottle. That was fifteen minutes ago. Peter had drank next to none. Instead he was mindlessly watching TV. Pepper picked up the bottle and held it out to Peter. 

"Peter, you have to drink some." Peter grabs the bottle but he just looked at it. The little bit that he had had was so gross. It was salty but also just... bad all around. "Peter, you have to drink some or they will put the tube down your nose." Peter didnt want that. But looking at the rest of the prep he had to drink and thinking about how awful it tasted and his stomach was aching again... He shook his head. 

"No?"

Peter shook his head again. 

"Then they will have t-"

"I know." He says it with force. He didn't mean to be rude but he just wanted to be left alone. Pepper stares at him for a bit. Peter is never rude. 

"Okay then. Dad is going to be here in about 15 minutes."

"Wait, really? What about Morgan?"

"Yes really. I want to go over some things with him. And Morgan is at school." 

"What things? Things about me?"

"Yes Peter, things about you."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes Mom. Why?" 

"To keep him involved! What has gotten into you?" 

"You're going to keep Dad involved but not me, the actual person all this is happening to?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Yesterday! You just threw me in the car and took me here and never told me what was going on. People kept poking me and stabbing me and this stupid IV - I didn't know what it was until after it was in me. I have a NEEDLE just IN MY ARM. I don't know what's going on, I don't know what's happening next but I do know that I can't drink that stupid stuff and I don't care -" Peter cut himself off with a deep breath. He suddenly felt super lightheaded. 

"Woah, woah, steady Peter." Pepper rushed to his side, placing her hands on his shoulders. He had suddenly paled and started tipping backwards "You're okay buddy. Breath" 

Peter sucked in a few more deep breaths. Oh god, he had just yelled at his mom. She didnt deserve that. Oh, why did he do that? 

"Mom, I'm sorry. I-"

"No, Peter, I'm sorry. We should have told you what's happening."

"Yeah, but - "

"We should have explained what they were doing."

"Mom, I was saying - "

"And I was saying..." Tony walked into the room. "... I happen to be the bearer of bad news." He steps to the side and a nurse walks in. She was going to place the tube in Peter. 

"Hi Dad." Peter holds his arms out for a hug. "Hi Peter. I brought something for you." Oh no. He didn't go and get a big extravagant gift did he? Tony holds out his MIT hoodie, washed and folded. "Oh, thanks Dad." Peter pulls the hoodie over his head. By now the nurse is ready to place the tube.

She holds the tube out and measures it against his torso. 

"Okay, this is not going to feel comfortable going down. It would make it easier if you swallow as I push it down, okay? Try to swallow as much as possible. Now, I need you to lie back for me. I'm going to move the bed into a sitting position." 

The bed slid into place and Peter leaned back. Anxiety was bubbling in his gut. The nurse leaned over him, tube held carefully in her gloved hands. Tony was on one side, holding his hand. Pepper was on the other, hand on his shoulder. 

"Ready?" Asked the nurse. Peter nods. "Okay. Remember to swallow. 3... 2... 1." 

Peter is only able to swallow one time before the realization that an actual tube was being forced down his actual body and it hurt and was uncomfortable. Without even realizing he began to kick his feet and awful noises came up his throat. Tears dropped down his face and fell under the hoodie and soaked into the collar of the hospital gown. Tony put more weight on him, trying to keep him in place. 

"Peter, please keep swallowing for me. I'm almost done, just keep swallowing." 

Peter tried again to swallow but he only ended up crying out. Pepper sat back and placed a hand over her mouth. She had tears forming in her own eyes. 

"Okay, okay, I have the tube in." The nurse then bent the tube over his face and secured it with some tape. 

Tony grabbed Peter by his shoulders. "Hey, Peter, shes all done. You can stop crying, it's okay now." Peter breath hitched, but he tried to calm down, to stop the tears. "That's it Peter. You're okay."

"Okay, Peter. We have to take an x-ray to make sure the tube in in the right spot, okay?" Peter nods. 

The nurse lays the bed flat and places a board underneath him. A large machine is wheeled into the room and his parents are sent to the hall. Peter squeezes his eyes shut, anticipating pain, but all he hears is a click and "... yep, it's all good!" 

Thank goodness. Everyone clears out of the room and Tony and Pepper come back. 

"I have to head back out," Tony says. "I can't get out of this meeting. But I will bring Morgan with me later tonight, after she gets out of school, okay?" 

"Yeah, okay." 

"Okay. I love you Peter." He plants a kiss on top of his curls. "I love you too Dad."

Tony walked out blowing dramatic kisses to his wife and son. 

Later, another lady comes in to start the medicine into the tube. It was a wierd feeling. It was cold against his face and the tube felt like a piece of spaghetti the was permanently stuck in his throat. But a least he didn't have to actually drink it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Love for you readers!! Also happy holiday!!!!!! I celebrate Christmas so Happy Christams Eve!


	5. Morgan Visits

The past two days for Morgan had been awful. She knew her brother was sick but she didn't understand why he had to go to the hospital. She had spent the night at Rodney's house. Nat had stopped by with a board game and they played for a while but it wasn't very fun. At school that day, her teacher noticed she was uncharacteristically quiet and distracted. At recess she didn't want to join any of the other kids in their games. Instead she used up all of the blue and red chalk drawing a spiderweb. When school ended, she was pleasantly surprised by seeing her father in the pick up line. 

"Hi Daddy" she said as she tossed her bag in and climbed into her carseat. 

"Hi Morgie. How was school?" 

"It was okay." 

"Yeah... listen Morgan, we are going to go see Peter - "

"Really?" She gasped. All she wanted to do was see Peter. 

"Yes, really. But your brother is really sick. When we get there, you have to remember to use your inside voice, you can't run around, and you have to be gentle with Peter. No big squishie hugs."

"Oh. Okay"

"Also, Peter is not allowed to eat anything so to make it easier for him, try not to talk about food."

"Why can't he eat?"

"The doctors said so. It's going to help him feel better though. He will get to eat again in a few days. And another thing is, Peter has lots of wires and tubes connected to him. He has one in his arm, some connected to his chest, and one down his nose. They look scary but they are helping Peter."

Morgan didn't know how to respond to that. Tony looked to the backseat and saw the worry scrunched into her face. He reached back and placed a hand on her knee. 

"Don't worry Morgan. Peter's going to be okay." 

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Morgan clung to her father's hand. They were walking into a big white building. Inside there were lots of people. Some of them looked at her funny. It felt like they walked forever before Tony stopped before a door. He bent down to look Morgan in the eye.

"Peter's in this room." He says, pointing to the door behind him. "I'm going to remind you again, there are lots of tubes and wires, and it does look scary but it's still Peter. Do you remember what else I said in the car?"

"Um, use my inside voice... no running and... be gentle?"

"Yes, very good. Let's go see Peter." Tony stood and knocked on the door before opening it. He walked in and Morgan slowly followed. She poked her head around the corner. Her daddy was right. Peter did look scary. There was a big piece of orange tape on the side of his face. There were tubes poking out of the top of his hospital shirt. His right arm had another wire sticking out from the elbow. All the wires led to a pole with different bags and boxes hanging off of it. 

"Hey Morgan!" Peter called. His voice had more energy in it. "Come here! Give me a hug." Morgan walked over and stood on her tip toes to reach Peter in the tall bed. "Come sit up here with me." Peter patted the bed next to him. 

Morgan shook her head. 

"Why not?"

"Daddy said I have to be gentle."

"Morgan, you can sit with me. It will be gentle."

"I- I don't want to hurt the wires." 

"The wires will be fine."

"Morgan, you can sit on the bed." Tony looked up from where he was looking over Pepper's shoulder at her laptop. 

Morgan cautiously climbed up by Peter. She couldn't stop looking at the tubes. She looks at the one in his arm. She point to it. 

"Does that hurt?" 

"Hm? Oh, it's just a little uncomfortable. It doesn't hurt." 

"What about the one in your nose?"

"It's just a little uncomfortable." 

"These ones?" She points to his chest. 

"These are just stickers. They are just sticking to me." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah." 

They just sit there, neither really knowing what to say. 

"You guys should play a card game."Pepper holds out a stack of cards. 

"Okay." Morgan takes the deck. Peter pulls a tray over the bed. "Wanna play Go Fish?" 

"Yeah, let's play Go Fish."

The two played many rounds while Pepper and Tony worked through a ton of emails. Once a nurse came in to check Peter's vitals. Peter got up to use the bathroom several times. Each time was the same. He would start to get distracted from the game and have one hand cautiously holding the tubes coming from his chest. The he would drop his cards and quickly disconnect the tubes, toss off the covers, and pull the whole pole with him into the tiny bathroom. Morgan would then sit alone on the bed and wait for Peter to come back. Each time he did, he was more and more tired. 

"Hey Morgan, do you want to watch a movie instead?"

"Yeah." Peter pushed the tray away from the bed and Morgan picked a movie. The two lay back together and it wasn't long before Peter was sleeping. Soon Morgan also drifted off. Pepper and Tony finished catching up on what doctors had been talking about. Then Tony picked up Morgan from the bed and the two headed out. Pepper watched them leave with a sigh. Hopefully they got a diagnosis soon.


	6. Diagnosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diagnosis

The next few days were absolutely awful for Peter. Being on the prep medication was just... shitty. Litterly. The day he was wheeled down to have the endoscopy, he was so worried that he felt like throwing up. Part of the procedure was that Peter had to be put asleep. He didn't realise how terrifying it was. I mean, sleep sounded so good but it was far too easy for the anaesthesiologist to give him to much and he would be gone. 

The funny thing was, Peter was in the room, tube in nose, IV in arm, ready for his procedure. A kind lady was explaining how he would be put to sleep. She was going to inject something into him through the IV and he would be out. Just like that. There were other doctors, including Dr. Garcia in the room setting up all the equipment. The lady then told him "okay, it's time for you to sleep. Think of happy thoughts and count down from ten." Peter did just the opposite. He thought of death and getting to much and being thrown over the edge. He thought of all the ways Dr. Garcia said this procedure could go wrong. 

Man, I dont think your sleeping stuff is working. Peter thought. He opened his eyes. This was not the same room. Pepper was at his side. 

"Hey baby, you slept for a while."

He had closed his eyes for two seconds!! When did this all happen? 

The MRI was so much worse. They had wanted him to drink yet another wierd yellow salty drink but luckily the tube was still in his nose so they just poured the meds in through that. When they got the the MRI place, Peter was checked up and down and in and out for anything that was magnetic. They told him it was just a big camera. All the noises the machine made was from magnets moving and taking pictures.

That was not what a goddamn camera sounded like. It was so horribly loud and every crash made him want to flinch but he had to lay perfectly still for the camera. Tears fell out of his eyes and he tried so hard to keep still but this loud confined space was not doing it for him. When they finally pulled him out of the tube and he was able to sit up, he was embarrassed by the stain his tears had left in the light blue pillow case. 

Morgan and Tony came to visit as often as possible. Every time it took Morgan some time to warm up to Peter with all the wires and tubes. It hurt Peter's chest, the fact that the sight of him scared her. 

There were plenty of workers stopping by with different activities to entertain him during the long hours but SHIELD didn't really treat kids so most of the activities were either ment for kids much younger than him or someone much older. 

But after all of this happening in the span of a little longer than a week, the tube was taken from Peter's nose, which didn't feel much better coming out that it did going in, and he was taken off nothing by mouth. 

Finally, he could order some pancakes! He was definitely feeling better as well. All of the symptoms were mostly there but they had treated him by giving him nutrients and a few blood transfusions and that worked wonders. He could get up without getting as lightheaded, a bit of color returned to his face, and he had some more energy. He was sitting in a comfy chair with a tray in front of him eating his pancakes with such joy when Dr. Garcia came in. 

"Hey Peter! Pancakes are a great meal to have after not eating for a week. Now, what I have with me are the pictures I took during the endoscopy. I dont know if you want to see them, they look pretty gross." 

Peter slowly shook his head. Just let me have my pancakes. 

"Okay then." He turned so only Pepper could see the pictures. "Looking here, this is Peter's colon. You can see that the edges are very red and inflamed campored to a normal healthy colon" he said pointing to different parts on the paper. "During the endoscopy, I looked through Peter's entire digestive tract and the colon was the only part that was inflamed. This means I can come to a diagnosis. Peter has what is called Ulcerative Colitis."

Peter set his fork down. He had what now? 

"Ulcerative colitis is when the white blood cells in your colon attack the colon instead of bad bacteria. Peter, your entire colon was enflamed. Now, I have seen cases where Ulcerative Colitis turns into to Chrons Disease, which is very similar but it can happen anywhere in the digestive track instead of just the colon." 

Dr. Garcia began talking about all the different symptoms and treatment options and side effects. He talked about how there were layers to the treatments. He said they would start Peter on the first treatment option right away to begin the healing process. He talked about dieting. He talked about how there was actually no cure for this, only treatment. Peter would have this for the rest of his life. He talked and talked and talked. Peter just slowly pushed around his now soggy pancakes. His appetite was gone. 

Eventually Dr. Garcia left and a nurse came with his medication. One was penicillin, a steroid. It was supposed to help get everything under control. It tasted terrible. The other was a flat brown pill. It was a bit big so the nurse cut it in half for him. 

Peter was now on his road to recovery. Finally they had a real diagnosis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, now you have the diagnosis. Please leave suggestions and thank you for reading!


	7. Back to school

Turns out its really hard to find the right medication. Whoever is lucky enough to get the right medication on the first try, Peter would seriously give them a punch on the arm. 

Peter was released from the SHIELD hospital base a few days after starting the new medication. He didn't have to take the prednisone for long because it was only to get his body back on track. But when he was weaned off it a few weeks later, Peter noticed that his body had become very itchy. It started on just the back of his hands, but soon it spread up his arms, to his face, everywhere. He had hives covering his entire body. Turns out he was allergic to the medicine and they hadn't known until now because of the prednisone. He looked like a strawberry.

To make things worse, he felt well enough to go back to school. He had missed about a month and a half of school and he was definitely behind in every class. Peter wasn't going to miss more school if he didn't have to. 

His first day back, Ned almost knocked him to ground with a bear hug. Even Mj gave him a big hug. 

"You idiot, you had us all worried." Mj whispered into his ear, her hair brushing the side of his face. 

"S-sorry." Peter whispered back. Mj dropped her arms and took a few steps back, now embarrassed. A few other decathlon players had shown up to welcome him back, along with Flash. 

"Sup Parker, where have you been? A mental hospital to fix your idiotcy?"

"That was lame." Ned whispered to Peter. Peter have a slight nod. But Flash wasn't too far off and Peter didn't know if he wanted anybody to know the truth. Except Ned and Mj. Maybe. Peter turned to his locker and peeled off his jacket. It had suddenly gotten to hot. 

"Woah, Parker! What is that?" Flash grabbed his wrist, holding out Peter's arm for all to see. Peter had forgotten about the hives. They covered his whole arm, bright red splotches. A few people backed away. Peter ripped his arm away. 

"Its nothing." 

"What? What's that Parker? Oh, is it contagious?? Oh god, everyone clear! Parker is contagious!" Flash laughed and he sauntered down the hall. Peter quickly pulles on his jacket. Ned and Mj appeared at his sides. 

"It's just hives, guys. It's not contagious." 

"How did you get those though?" Ned asked. "They looked pretty bad." 

"They're fine, Ned." Peter grabbed his textbook and shut his locker with more force than necessary. He walked away, leaving his friends behind. 

Ned and Mj shared a glance. Peter had hardly talked to them over the past month. He only told them vague details - I'm sick, don't know what's up, I'll be fine. 

"We need to get him to tell us what happened." Mj said. 

"Agreed."

"I'll go talk to him." 

"Agreed." Ned asking Peter questions never went anywhere. 

Mj hurried down the hall. People were turning into their classes and a path was widening. She grabbed Peter by the shoulder. He jumped at first but relaxed when he saw Mj. 

"Geez, Mj. You freaked me out."

"Yeah, I saw. But you are freaking me out."

"What? How?"

"You haven't been at school for over a month! You haven't talked to Ned or I, and your dad wouldn't let us talk -"

"My dad?"

"Yes, your dad. And then you show up here and your arms look like... like... ugh, they look like shit Peter! And you start pulling this "I'm fine" bullshit? So yes Peter, I think I have some sort of right to be freaking out!"

Peter was dumbfounded. Mj always kept her cool in any situation, but here she was, practically yelling because she was worried. He caused her to worry, oh he should have told them, but that would have worried them, everything would have worried them, he can't do that to people-

"Peter."

Mj placed her hand on his shoulder. She looked into his eyes, wide and anxious. It couldn't have been that bad, right? Whatever happened to him? 

"Do you want to talk?"

"Um-" he didn't. But he should. He really should. Mj deserved to know, she was his friend. 

"Uh, yeah."

"Okay."

Mj dropped her hand down to his elbow and gently led him through the hall to the detention classroom. The teacher didn't even come in until almost 11, so they had plenty of time. 

They sat in the front seats, facing each other, silent. It was a terrible silence. Peter hated it, it was to quiet. He should say something but how do you start a story like this? And he would have to tell this all over again to Ned? Maybe he should come here too. 

"So." Peter clearly needed a starting point. "How did you get those hives?"

"Allergic reaction. Can you text Ned? I don't want to tell this story more than I have to." 

"Yeah, I can do that."

Mj pulls her phone from her bag.

Hey loser, come down to the detention room.

Wut

Come down here, peter wants to talk to us

Okay but, I'm in class?? I cant just go pee for 20 minutes 

Then get detention 

I think I just did. 

"Okay, he should be on his way." 

"Cool"

Sure enough, Ned came bustling through the door a few minutes later. 

"I got detention for being on my phone in class. Thanks for that Mj."

"No problem dude."

"Okay so, we here for Peter? You're gonna tell us what's up?"

Peter rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah, something like that."

"He said the hives were an allergic reaction. What to?"

"Some medicine. I can't take it anymore because, well, I'm allergic but I still need to take medicine because... wel- ugh, it, it turns out that..."

Silence. 

Why was this so hard?

Why couldn't he just... say it? 

Tears stung his eyes. Maybe if he stared at the one foot of the chair everything could just go away and he would be alone in an empty void where he could scream as loud as he wanted and no one would ever hear him. 

Ned looked at Mj. What were they supposed to do? She moves her head, nodding him towards Peter. Ned just shrugs. Mj rolls her eyes. Now was not a good time to be oblivious. She moves over to Peter and puts an arm over his shoulders. She feels him tense up under her touch and his breath tighten. Okay, wrong move. She drops her arm and instead grabs his hand. Ned finally catches on and sits next to Peter. 

"Hey man, it's okay, just take your time." 

Peter blinks back the tears. He has to tell them.

"Sorry. I'm okay. Uh, it turns out that - that I have t- it's a con- ugh. I'm sorry guys, I don't why this is so hard to say. I have what's called ulcerative colitis."

There. He said it.

"What."

"Yeah, I think you need to elaborate."

"Basically the white blood cells in my body decided that they didn't like my colon so they started attacking it. And there is no cure - I'm stuck with it the rest of my life. But it's okay because there are lots of treatments. Clearly this first one didn't work out but I've got options and I'm already going to start on the next one soon, so it's all good. Just gotta find the right medication. It's good, it's fine."

Ned opens his mouth, unsure what to say. 

"Shit."

Yeah, that was about right. 

As much as Peter loved his friends, he had to get out of there. He stood up and grabbed his bag.

"Okay, I know you guys have questions but you can ask during lunch because I have to get to class because I've missed so much, y'know?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, cool." He bounces on his toes. "Okay, uh.. bye." 

He turns and quickly walks out. His throat feels tight and tears are fighting to fall. He pulls into the nearest bathroom that is luckily empty. He heads to the last stall, locks the door and drops on the toilet. Tears fall and Peter concentrates on keeping quiet, keeping this to himself.


	8. Chapter 9

Peter had been home from the hospital for almost two weeks now. He had piles and piles of homework from the almost two months of school he missed, and it was really stressing him out. He had a piece of paper in front of him with everything he felt like he needed to do written down and the list went on to half way down the back. He room was a total mess. His clothes were everywhere. Every morning was a scramble to find his things before school. He often went to bed at ungodly hours after doing homework for hours. 

But right now, he was just sitting at his desk, just staring at his to do list. He didn't really have to do everything on it. What he really had to do was catch up on his schoolwork. But it also had things that he wanted to do. 

-clean room  
-pick up clothes   
\- shower dude, it's been a few days  
-math, 3.7, 3.8, 3.9, 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, 4.4....  
-same with science, history, english...   
-workshop project plan  
\- something active  
-patrol?

Patrol. It had been a long time. Peter leaned back in his chair, trying to look into his closet to see his suit. He could just see the arm from his position. Should he go out? But... homework. He shook his head and scooted his chair back up to his desk. He pulled a binder from his bag and flipped through the stack of papers from his teachers. Would it be best to start with math or science...

"PETEERRRR!" A call rang from downstairs. "DINNERTIIIIIME!" 

Footsteps stomped up the steps and soon Morgan bounded into his room. She danced over the junk on the floor and flopped onto his messy bed. 

"You gotta come downstairs! Daddy made burgers."

Ugh. Burgers did not sound good right now. Actually, no food sounded good. Ever.

"Come on Peter!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming." 

Peter flipped his binder shut. He stood and stretched, making over dramatic groaning noises to make Morgan laugh. He then scooped her off his bed and swung her on to his back. He walked them down to the table and slid Morgan into her seat as Pepper brought the last dish from the kitchen. Tony walked in from the grill, burgers piled on a plate. 

"Time to eat, my lovely family!"

Dishes were passed around the table. Peter put food on his plate, but it was not because he wanted to. He didn't need to upset his parents anymore than he had. 

Conversation passed from person to person, each talking about their day. Morgan went on and on about some classmate bringing playdoh to class and it getting in the carpet. 

"Morgan, let's let Peter talk now. What have you been up to, dear?" Peppers gentle voice pulled Peter from the scarcely touched food on his plate. 

"Oh, uh, just homework."

"Are you having trouble with it?"

"Um... no. But, I was kinda... I was thinking about..."

"About what?" Tony set down his fork. Everyone was now staring at Peter. He felt his face heat up and his body tuck into itself. He opened his mouth a few times, trying to talk, but he wasn't sure if his parents would get upset or not. 

"About what, Peter?" Tony asked again. 

"I was thinking about getting back into the whole Spiderman thing."

Peter stomach immediately hurt after he said that. He shouldn't have asked. That was a mistake, he wanted to shove the words back down his throat. 

Pepper and Tony shared a glance. Spiderman. Hm. 

"Let's talk about that after dinner, okay?" Tony said. 

Peter nodded. All that ment was Tony and Pepper would talk while he filled the dishwasher. 

Conversation folded back into the usual- Morgan taking the stage. Peter sat in the background, wishing time would go faster so he could get an answer, but also go backwards and get his words back, but also, he wanted time to stop. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The dishwasher was running. Peter sat alone in the at the counter. The lights were off and he held his head in his hands. Slowly, he let his head drop until it lay on the cool counter. He stomach was still aching from asking about patrolling. Tony and Pepper were still talking in the living room. 

Peter really really wanted to be Spiderman again. He felt so much better now. The only thing was he still had a few hives, but they were clearing up quickly. Dr. Garcia had given him a new medication to try because of the allergy, and he'd been on it for the past few days. So far, no side effects. He was also on an iron pill because of the whole super deadly anemic thing, along with a vitamin D supplement. The color was returning to his skin. 

But he was still getting used to this whole "I have an incurable disease that I will have for the rest of my life" thing. He was always going to be sick. His own body could turn on him at anytime. Since getting home, he had only been eating applesauce and chicken broth. He was terrified of upsetting his gut. He had a very small list of "safe foods" that he did not want to step out of. 

Thinking about it all stressed him out. Another thing that bugged him was he knew how expensive he was. Staying in the hospital, medication, the school he went to, everything he did was costing his parents and he hated, hated that. It made him want to cry, to stop everything he did and stay home, but that ment his parents always had to see him, how much of a disappointment he was. 

"Peter?" 

Peter jumped, quickly lifting his head. His head felt rough from resting on the counter and his chest now hurt like his stomach from the sudden scare. 

Tony was leaning against the doorframe.

"H-hi, I was... just.. sitting."

Tony chuckled. 

"Grab a jacket and come with me." Tony turned and headed to the front door. Peter slid off his chair, and paused. The room seemed to dip away from him. Anemia. Yay. He followed his dad, pulling a jacket off a hook in the front hall and zipping it up as he stopped next to his dad who stood off the porch, looking up at the sky. Peter tipped his head back. Oh, the lovely sky. Stars shown between the tree branches, a beautiful view. 

"Let's go to the garage." Tony says. Their feet crunch on the gravel as they walk. The cool air feels nice on Peter face. He was feeling kinda warm. 

In the garage, Tony sits at a table and pulls a stool up next to him, patting it for Peter to sit. Peter does. 

"Before I tell you what your mom and I talked about, I wanna ask you, Why do you want to get back to Spiderman?"

Peter froze. He didnt have to go back. He could stay if it was a problem. Nothing had to change, he shouldn't have asked, his stomach hurt -

"Peter, you're not in trouble. I'm just curious." 

"I-. I mean, it's Spiderman. It's.. it's really important to me to help people. And I really feel like I need to do something active. I feel lazy being home all the time." 

Tony nods. "Okay, that's good to know. Because I think, and Mom agrees, that you're not quite ready to go back."

Peter's chest drops. His eyes sting.

"You've only been home a week and a half, and your still not eating properly."

Shit. Peter thought he was eating enough to satisfy his parents. He stares at his shoes.

" Also, you've only been on this new medication for a few days. Something might come up."

But, it was working. He was better. 

"You have a doctor's appointment next week, we can talk with Dr. Garcia and see what he thinks."

That's only a week. Peter can wait a week. But his eyes still stung and his chest still hurt and maybe he was crying but he was putting all of his attention into staring at his old blue converse. 

Tony placed a hand on his sons back. Peter flinched. It felt like a stab to his heart. 

"Peter, I know this is important to you but we really need to to be healthy to be Spiderman. And I mean, really truly healthy. Not this halfway spot you are now."

Really truly healthy? How can you be really truly healthy with a disease that has no cure? That was lifelong? He was always going to be halfway. 

He was never going to Spiderman again. 

"Does that make sense?"

Peter nods.

"Okay. Do you still have homework?"

Another nod. 

"Why don't you go work on that, okay?"

Another nod. 

"Okay." Tony plants a quick kiss on the top of Peter's head before he rushes away. 

As soon as Peter is outside, away from his dad, he finally let's himself breathe. It comes as a sharp inhale. Tears start to fall and he can't stop. He begins to pace in circles. He wants to hit something, to hurt something.

Himself. 

He grabs at his hair and pulls. He presses his hands as hard as he can into the sides of his head. He want to scream at the top of his lungs but there were people around and they would hear. He keeps pacing in circles, tears blurring his vision when he suddenly trips. He hits the gravel path hard. His chin smacked a particularly sharp rock and his hands stung. Peter wiped his chin, and luckily no blood was on the back of his hand. He sat up and looked back to see what he tripped over. 

A bat. 

A wooden bat. 

Morgan must of left it out. She never put her things away. 

Peter picked it up and began to run into the woods behind the house. He ran and ran, his chest and stomach hurting. He ran past the play house Morgan built with large sticks. He ran on and on, trying to get as far away from the other people. He tripped again, this time over a branch. He hit the ground with a grunt, dropping the bat. He quickly got back up, found the bat, and swung it into the nearest tree. 

Peter's arms were buzzing from the impact. His labord breathing hurt his body. But he swung again. He swung again and again and again. Crys of frustration fell out of his mouth. He beat at a branch until it broke off. He couldn't see anymore, his vision blocked by tears. He picked a new branch and hit it, getting more buzzing up his arms. He kept hitting it, kept the the buzzing going. This stupid branch wouldn't break. Why wouldn't it break? He lifted the bat over his head and sung it down as hard as he could. The bat hit the branch with a deep thud. 

Peter gasped for breath. His chest rose and fell over and over as he stood frozen in that spot, hunched over staring at the tree and dented bat. 

He stood up. 

He dropped the bat. 

He walked back home, on auto pilot. 

Luckily, Pepper was in her room and Peter was able to get to his own room unnoticed. 

He kicked off his shoes and peeled off his jacket, dropping the on the floor and adding to the mess. 

He dropped onto his bed. 

The lights in the hallway turned off, scaring Peter. He looked at the door, listening to make sure no one was coming. 

As he dropped his head back down, he caught a glance of his closet. Of his suit. His useless suit. 

He stood. 

He went to the closet. 

Slowly, he shut the door.

He dropped back in bed. 

And he cried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always wanted to have a place far far away from other people where I can go absolutely crazy and scream and cry and break things without having to worry about anyone finding me, kinda like in Sex Education.


End file.
